Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!

Stranger: hi

You: You are alone in a dark passage. It leads off to the east and west.

You: What do you do?

Stranger: Look into the east passage.

You: You see off in the distance a dim light, very dim and thin.

Stranger: go east

You: You go east and the thin light spreads out into a rectangle. You can see the light creep out between a door and a jamb.

You: You stop at the door.

Stranger: exermine door

You: Examine?

Stranger: yeah oups

You: It's a door. It's made of wood, and it's a little old.

You: It looks like it leads outside.

Stranger: press an ear onto the door and listen

You: You listen to the door. You don't hear much, just some little tweets from birds outside.

You: If the door could think, it would think that putting your head against it is an odd thing to do.

Stranger: save game

Stranger: open door

You: You save the game right where you are.

You: You open the door. It's bright and sunny outside, and a cool breeze blows into the house and around you. You feel refreshed.

Stranger: step out

You: You step onto a little wooden porch.

Stranger: look around

You: You look to the right, and there's a nice place to sit out on the porch. There are a couple porch chairs there. You look to the right, and you see the corner of the house. You look in front of you and there are steps leading down to a path, and a path leading to the road.

You: You are up on a big grassy hill, overlooking a small town.

You: You notice that the house is big, somewhat old, wooden, and white.

You: It looks like a nice house.

Stranger: go to the path

You: You go on the path. Looking back you can see more of the house. You see that it has a driveway, and a little garage. There are some clothes drying on a line around the corner.

Stranger: go to the street

You: You go out on the street. It seems like it's a long way down to the town.

Stranger: go back to the house, to the garage

You: You go to the garage. The door is open just a crack, and unlatched.

Stranger: open garage

You: You open the big garage door. As you open the door, you reveal a classic car. It's black, with chrome trim. It's obviously a valuable car, something a movie star in the 20's might have been chauffeured around in.

Stranger: go into the car

You: You hop in the car. You feel like an important person, and imagine yourself driving this awesome car. You notice something poking your thigh in your pocket as you get in, and something crumples in your back pocket.

You: It crumples as you sit down.

Stranger: examine back pocket

You: You pull a folded note out of your pocket.

Stranger: read note

You: You unfold the note, and a light, familiar scent unfolds with it.

You: The note reads:

You: "Stranger, I saw you from across the room last night, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to you.

You: You may not have noticed me, but you plucked each string of my heart gently as a harp player might play his instrument.

You: I want to know more about you, but I was too timid to bring myself to talk to you. I hope that you find this note I put in your jacket pocket before you put your coat, and me, away in your closet at home.

You: I hope we will meet again,

You: Yours, Isabella."

Stranger: go into the house

You: You get out of the car again, and you feel the contents of your right front pocket shift back into place as you do so. You leave the garage and go back through the front door of the house.

Stranger: examine right front pocket

You: You pull out a black Mont Blanc pen, and a keyring with three keys on it.

Stranger: examine keys

You: There are three keys. One is an old house key, one doesn't have any identifiable marks on it, and the third has a car company emblem on it.

Stranger: examine inner house

You: You see the passage you found yourself in originally past the door. It's dark in there, and you can't make out the other end.

Stranger: search the walls for a light button

You: You find a light switch off to the left.

Stranger: press light switch

You: You flick the light switch on. You see the tasteful wallpaper you picked out when you moved into the house, and you see a coat rack to your right.

You: You see at the end of the hall, an opening to another room.

Stranger: examine coat

You: It's your coat from last night. It still smells like pretty girls' perfume.

Stranger: take on coat

You: You put on your coat. It's a pretty nice and sunny day, so you're kind of hot in your jacket.

Stranger: go into the other room

You: You go into the other room. It's a pleasant room, with a desk, a table and a few chairs around.

Stranger: examine desk

You: You see some paper, a book you've been writing about meeting a mysterious woman, your other pens and pencils, and some drawers in the desk.

Stranger: read book

You: It's your book. You wrote it. You remember adding a couple chapters earlier in the week, but not being motivated enough to do much else.

Stranger: put book into inventory

You: The book is too big to fit in your pockets, and it's not bound. It would fall apart if you brought it with you, and you spent so much time writing it that you don't want to mess up the page order.

Stranger: read paper

You: The other paper on the desk is blank.

You: You use it to write the book.

Stranger: open drawers

You: There are some matches, a couple pen knives, a small address book, some of your nice cologne, and an old picture of your deceased wife in the drawers.

Stranger: put pen knives into inventory

You: You put the pen knives in your pocket, along with your keys, the black pen and the note from the mysterious woman named Isabella.

Stranger: take one match and light it

You: You light the match. You like the sulphur-y smell it makes when you strike it against your desk.

Stranger: burn old picture

You: You burn the picture of your wife. You loved her very much, but it's time to let her go.

Stranger: spray cologne onto neck

You: You smell like a classy dude now. Clearly out to get the ladies.

Stranger: read address book

You: You see some of your old friends' phone numbers in the address book, and a few of your wife's friends' numbers and addresses. She was always better at keeping records than you were, and her handwriting was neater.

Stranger: examine room for other doors

You: There's a small staircase leading upstairs, and an open door leading into the kitchen.

Stranger: go upstairs

You: You go upstairs. You can see downstairs from the sort of balcony above the living room, and you can see two doors leading the house's bedrooms.

Stranger: go into one bedroom

You: You go into the bedroom closest to you. It's your spare bedroom. You see the bed is made nicely, as no one as come to visit in a long time. The sheets and the curtains are white, and the windows are open slightly. The thin curtains blow in the breeze and smell like they've been freshly cleaned out on the clothes line. You know they haven't, but the smell has stayed with them.

Stranger: go into other bedroom

You: You leave the spare bedroom and go into the other bedroom. It's your bedroom. You see the bed is unmade, and kind of stinky since you haven't changed the sheets in a while. You see some of your wife's old things in the room, namely her perfumes and hair brush on the dresser. Your watch is on the nightstand. You didn't put it on this morning as you hadn't really been planning on going out.

Stranger: put on watch

You: You strap the watch onto your wrist, and you feel a little restricted by the pull of the leather against your skin.

Stranger: read watch

You: It's 8:12.

Stranger: put wife's old things under the bed

You: You sweep her crap off your dresser and shove it under your bed.

Stranger: go downstairs, into the kitchen

You: You go down into the kitchen. It's a bit of a mess.

Stranger: examine kitchen

You: There's some crusty cereal bowls around, not much going on here. You haven't used any of the cooking equipment because you don't want to wash it. Your refrigerator is pretty vacant.

Stranger: look for other doors

You: There are windows outside, but no other doors. There used to be a door to the pantry, but you took it off because it squeaked and it was bothering you.

Stranger: go into living room

You: You're in the living room.

Stranger: look around for other rooms

You: Ain't none.

Stranger: go out of the house and search for a tree

You: You go out of the house, and look around. There's not much on the hill besides your house, but there is a nice big oak tree that you and your wife spent some time hanging a tire swing from one afternoon.

Stranger: go to oak tree and examine it

You: You go over to the oak tree. The tire swing is tied up pretty high in the tree, and the rope is long. You remember climbing the tree to get the rope tied up there.

Stranger: sit into tire and swing

You: You get in the tire. It's a nice big fire engine tire that you found downtown, so you fit in easily.

You: You swing, and feel relaxed.

Stranger: look covertly around for any bystanders

You: Nobody's up on your hill.

Stranger: urinate against tree

You: You unzip your pants, and start pissing like a racehorse. It's pretty hard to aim since you're swinging, but whatever. It's your tree dammit.

Stranger: take mental note to build an outbilding with a bathroom and go into the car

You: You should have realized when you bought the house that it didn't have a bathroom. What kind of [developmentally delayed]ed narrator imagines up a big house with no bathroom in it? I mean [cabbage].

You: You go in the garage and get in your sweet car.

Stranger: start the car with the right key and drive down to the road

You: You start the car up and it purrs. You feel a tingle of excitement as you begin to pull away and the tires make a satisfying crunch as you roll slowly over your gravel driveway. You start to open up on the accelerator as you turn out of your driveway and onto the street.

Stranger: drive to the town

You: You really let it rip as you go tearing down from your house on the hill. You open up the windows and feel the cool air blow past you as you speed on down towards the little town. Suddenly, you're at the bottom of the hill and in the town. You slow down as you head onto the main street.

Stranger: examine main street

You: As you drive by, you see a few small shops, the grocery store, and a couple other places. You see the dance hall at the end of the street, and the bar next to that. You just passed the local church as you came out of the bottom of the hill.

Stranger: drive to the bar

You: You roll on up to the bar and park out front.

You: It seems quieter than you remember it usually is.

Stranger: order a tea

You: You go into the bar, but you don't see the usual activity and hubbub. There's no one tending the bar, and no patrons.

Stranger: go into the kitchen

You: It's pretty much alcohol only here. There's no kitchen, just the bar.

Stranger: go back into car and drive to grocery store, then enter it

You: hold on, I'll be right back

Stranger: ok

You: Sorry, I really had to go to the bathroom.

You: You go to the car, drive to the grocery store, and go in.

You: There's no one here either. The lights are off, and there's nobody shopping or at the cash registers.

Stranger: read watch

You: It's 8:43.

Stranger: go back into car and drive to the church

You: You drive over to the church.

Stranger: enter church and examine it

You: As you walk in, something doesn't seem right.

You: You see everyone in town in the church, but it's quiet, just like the empty stores were.

You: Everyone is in their pews, facing the pulpit.

Stranger: go to the altar and examine it

You: You go up to the altar, and you see the large bowl of ceremonial wine people take communion from. It's about half empty.

You: You smell a familiar, sweet smell.

Stranger: search for the bible and take it

You: You find the bible on the priest's podium. You kick the priest lying on the floor out of the way so that you can pick up the book. The people in their pews continue to stare listlessly up and the ceiling and lean on each other, barely staying above the floor.

Stranger: stab one pen knive into the bible and drop it into the bowl

You: You unfold your nice, wooden pen knife and stab it deep into the bible's leather binding.

You: You drop it into the half empty bowl of wine, and its pages soak up the red liquid.

You: The parishioners continue to lurch.

Stranger: go into the pulpit

You: You get up into the pulpit where you found the bible. You step over the priest again.

Stranger: distend the arms to the ceiling and call out loudly "You are all doomed!", then run out of the church laughing maniacally

You: You yell at the ceiling, and declare the obvious to the parishioners. They don't look surprised, just limp. You start cackling and screaming, and run out of the church. You leave your pen knife in the bible in the wine bowl, and the familiar scent behind you.

Stranger: light one match and ignite the grass around the church

You: You light a match, but you'll be damned if you can light that goddamned grass. Why the hell is everything so nice and green around here? What is this weird, unnaturally pleasant place? It's almost as if someone made it all up for a game.

Stranger: go back into the car and drive to the dance hall

You: You thoroughly enjoy the roar of the engine of your thoroughly awesome car as you zip over to the dance hall.

Stranger: enter the dance hall

You: You enter the dance hall. It's empty here too.

Stranger: start to dance around like to speedcore music

You: You flail wildly in the empty dance hall. It dawns on you that with the state of everyone in the church, you can pretty much do whatever you want in the town.

Stranger: go back into the car in order to drive to the shops, then examine them

You: You drive by the shops. There's a music store and a hardware store and a small diner. That's about it.

You: You see down one street that there's a small schoolyard, and a basketball court outside of it.

Stranger: break into the music store

You: You smash the music store windows, then sheepishly walk through the open door.

You: There's all kinds of instruments in here, and you don't know how to play any of them.

Stranger: search for music albums

You: There are a few records on the counter, next to an old Victrola record player.

You: The records don't seem too old, but the labels are too small for you to read without your glasses.

Stranger: search for a banjo

You: You don't find a banjo. The only things in this store that you really know what to do with are the records and the record player.

Stranger: play a random record with the player

You: You pick up a record, and put it on the player. It scratchily begins to spin, and you hear a very familiar pop beat play:

You: You hear a crooner sing along with the beat:

You: "Now this is a story, all about how / my life got flipped, turned upside down / and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there / I'll tell you how I became the Prince of Bel Air...

You: "In West Philadelphia, born and raised / on the playground is where I spent most of my days. / Chillin' out, maxin', relaxing all cool / And shootin' some b-ball outside of the school / when a couple of guys, who were up to no good / started makin' trouble in the neighborhood...

You: "I got in one little fight and my mom got scared! / She said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle out in Bel Air...

Stranger: throw the player out of the shop window

You: You throw the player out of the broken shop window, but somehow the record stays on it and continues to play.

Stranger: run into the car and drive to the school

You: "I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Fresh" and had dice in the mirror / If anything I could say that this cab was rare / but I thought, man forget it: Yo home to Bel Air!

You: You run outside and jump into your car. You drive to the school. Thankfully, the record player landed neatly on the hood of your car and miraculously stays there during the trip.

Stranger: go to the school

You: "I pulled up to a house about seven or eight / and I yelled to the cabby, yo home! smell you later...

You: You go to the school. You can still hear the record player in the distance.

You: "Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there / the seat of my throne as the Prince of Bel Air!"

Stranger: enter the school

You: You enter the school.

Stranger: look around for a hidden pedobear

You: There's nothing really in the school, just a few children's desks and the teacher's desk.

You: You hear a soft click as the old Victrola automatically flips the 45 record over and begins to play the other side.

You: A deep baritone voice rings out in the school, echoing in the empty streets.

Stranger: run out and turn the player off

You: You pull the needle off the record, but you stab the [cabbage] out of your hand. You've probably got tetanus. You should get that checked out after this song finishes playing.

Stranger: take the record and throw it away

You: "We're no strangers to love / You know the rules and so do I...

You: Your hand hurts like a [bleep]. It's bleeding all over the place from being cut on the record needle. You crumple on the ground as the record plays loudly around you.

You: "A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of,

You wouldnt get this from any other guy.

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,

Gotta make you understand…

Never gonna give you up,

Never gonna let you down,

Never gonna run around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry,

Never gonna say goodbye,

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

We’ve known each other for so long

Your heart’s been aching

But you’re too shy to say it.

Inside we both know what’s been going on,

We know the game and we’re gonna play it.

Annnnnd if you ask me how I’m feeling,

Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see…

Never gonna give you up,

Never gonna let you down,

Never gonna run around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry,

Never gonna say goodbye,

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Never gonna give you up,

Never gonna let you down,

Never gonna run around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry,

Never gonna say goodbye,

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Give you up. give you up.

Give you up, give you up.

Never gonna give

Never gonna give, give you up.

Never gonna give

Never gonna give, give you up.

We’ve known each other for so long

Your heart’s been aching

But you’re too shy to say it.

Inside we both know what’s been going on,

We know the game and we’re gonna play it.

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,

Gotta make you understand…

Never gonna give you up,

Never gonna let you down,

Never gonna run around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry,

Never gonna say goodbye,

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Never gonna give you up,

Never gonna let you down,

Never gonna run around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry,

Never gonna say goodbye,

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Never gonna give you up,

Never gonna let you down,

Never gonna run around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry,

Never gonna say goodbye,

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."

You: The record finishes.

You: The narrator is pleased.

Stranger: cast disintegrate which i have prepared this morning on the player

You: You make a weird gesture with your hand, and flick some of the blood oozing out of it towards the record player.

You: If everyone in the town hadn't died this morning, they would certainly think you've got some malady of the mind.

Stranger: go back into the car and drive out of the town

You: You muster up what strength you've got, and get back in your car. You drive out of the town.

You: The wind blows in your hair as you stick your head out the window to get your mind off the pain in your hand.

Stranger: search for a city

You: There's nothing around for miles. You and your now-deceased wife picked this little town because you wanted to be isolated. You got it bub.

Stranger: park the car at the side of the street

You: You pull over and park your car.

Stranger: start to jerk off laughing hysterically

You: You fail to get your fly undone, but you manage to wipe a frightening amount of blood on your trousers instead.

You: You make a half-hearted attempt to laugh hysterically, but you don't really feel very good because of how much blood you've lost from your hand. Damn that record needle.

You: Maybe you'll just lie down for a minute here...

Stranger: cut a bit off the coat with one of the pen knives and wind it around the wound

You: You dress your wound, bleeding all over as you do so.

Stranger: look into the rear trunk

You: You open the trunk of your car. There's a duck with wheels in the back.

Stranger: search under the wheels for the wife's corpse

You: You find a candle and a car jack.

Stranger: go back into the car and drive to the hardware store

You: You drive over to the hardware store.

Stranger: look through the window

You: It is filled with boxes. Thousands of them.

You: You suspect that there may even be over nine thousand boxes in the store.

Stranger: search the town for a cat

You: You find that damned cat that's always around at the construction side on Elm street. It's head sneaks out from behind a girder and it gives you a knowing look.

Stranger: ask the cat "Are you a lolcat?"

You: The cat is a cat. It looks at you like it wants some food.

You: A wild abra appears!

Stranger: examine the abra

You: Abra used teleport. It's gone. Just you and that damned cat now.

Stranger: roll a d8 to decide how to handle the cat, 1-3 kick it, 4-5 jump onto it, 6-8 pull its tail

You: In a burst of flame, the cat explodes. You are singed by the blast, but you'll be just fine in a bit.

You: Or will you? The ground tears open violently. Clearly the laws of physics no longer apply. The girders in the building turn into grapefruits.

You: You begin to float uneasily in the air, unable to control your movements.

You: You watch, helpless, as the hardware store turns into a pinyata, six of the dead people in the church fly out the stained glass windows and turn into dogs

You: Your hand is instantly healed, and you feel wonderful.

Stranger: cast meteor swarm on the dogs

You: Isabella flies by, and you smell that intoxicating perfume you smelled on her note, but she zips by too quickly for you to say anything.

You: You are paralyzed, unable to move or breathe. Your shirt turns into a mound of maggots and they drip off your flesh towards the ground. Your underpants turn into bingo cards.

You: A bear appears out of thin air and looks confused, then a whale and a bowl of petunias drop from the sky.

You: The record player crumples in on itself, and flies at you, slowly turning into gold as it does.

You: You're hit square in the face by the golden, crushed record player. It caves in your skull, and your eyes pop out and turn into hammers.

You: You piss your pants in uncontrollable fear, but before you can consider what's happening, the part of your brain that would normally do that turns into cottage cheese.

You: You can't see it, because your eyes are hammers, but you hear your house off in the distance becoming a bottle of aged whisky.

Stranger:

Stranger: nice hear ability

You: Your car, which was really awesome and cool, flies to the moon and escapes all this nonsense. It's too damned sweet for this kind of [cabbage], and it will have none of this insane narrative.

You: The school becomes a donkey, the donkey becomes a school, the school is bought by a nice couple from the city and renovated to become a seaside resort.

Stranger: they were all dead, remember ^^

You: All the instruments in the music store play themselves, expertly I might add, and hold a parade.

You: The couple came from a different city and renovated the school. What the hell, you didn't object when the dead people flew out the windows and turned into dogs!

You: That's the most logical thing to happen so far, and you don't like it!?

Stranger:

You: Holy hell.

Stranger: it was the most illogical ^^

Stranger: so i mentioned it

Stranger: because they can't appear out of nothing

You: What, since everything is completely illogical now, the logical things become illogical?

Stranger: when the town is completely empty ^^

You: They drove in! In a 1976 Cadillac! It's red!

Stranger: too late

You: Let me get on with my total destruction of the town, if you don't mind.

Stranger: now let's go to a normal conversation ^^

You: You know what. Forget it. The town, the whole world, and the universe itself turn into a slice of lightly buttered toast.

You: And I eat the toast, because toast is damned good.

You: Then I make myself another slice because I'm not entirely satisfied with the toast, that was just your ENTIRE UNIVERSE, that I just ate.

You: So there.

Stranger: lol

Stranger: how old are you?

You: 19.

You: Thanks for playing along.

Stranger:

Remainder of the conversation redacted due to boring chit-chat.

You have disconnected.